The Power of Words pt. II
In the last article we looked at how the words of others can affect our confidence and shape how we see ourselves. However, the words we use for ourselves to express what we are feeling and thinking also have a profound affect on how we perceive and cope with the world.
Our choice of words are rarely arbitrary, if ever. The words we use feed back into how we feel. For instance, think about the language you use when you feel let down or frustrated with someone or their actions. If you say things like “I’m utterly furious” or “you ALWAYS let me down and you NEVER listen”.
In fact these choices of words may not have literal truth to them. You may not be “utterly furious” and the person in question may not “always” let you down and “never” listen, but just by using those words frequently when you are upset gives gravity to your distress, perhaps even more than the circumstance deserves. Also, if you use powerful language like this quite frequently, even when the circumstance might not deserve it, people around you might not take what you have to say so seriously.
If every time you are upset you are “utterly furious” and “betrayed”, whether someone you trusted stole your car or just forgot to buy the margarine brand you asked him or her to, sooner or later the qualitative difference between your feelings about these two extremes will lessen, both in terms of how you feel and how others see you.
Pick your words carefully. If a loved one or colleague does something frustrating tell them that, but reduce your language. Instead of saying you are “furious” tell them instead that you are “a bit annoyed”. This is in affect a form of control over your emotions. You aren’t bottling them up because you are communicating your feelings, but on the other you aren’t allowing yourself to be a victim of your feelings either and therefore losing an element of control.
Lower the intensity of your language and not only will you begin to feel more in control you will also exude a sense of self control, patience and even self-awareness..
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