Be all that you can be

In the previous article we have already established the importance of approaching life with a ‘can do’ attitude, but negativity is ever present in our lives. I’ve not met or heard of a functional human being who does not experience moments of self doubt or worry. It’s normal and not something to fear.

That said, sometimes our doubts and negative thoughts can consume us, holding us back and sapping our confidence. Don’t let them. Endeavour to be in charge of your thoughts, because remember, they aren’t things that can harm you or your confidence unless you let them.

Self-doubt is not the destructive certainty that a psychopath holding a gun at your head it. You can alter and even stop self doubt by thinking differently. If you find you are coming up with negative answers when you question yourself, ask different questions. If you answer “will I succeed at this” with a worrying and confidence sapping “no” change your internal question to “how can I assure that I WILL succeed at this?”

If you feel yourself slipping into a spiral of self-doubt or worry before an interview or presentation, stop and think for a moment. You are worrying about the bad things that might happen if you are not ‘impressive’ enough, so you are picturing failure. Instead focus on the good things that will happen if and when you ARE impressive enough. It’s just the same thing in reverse.

This isn’t a panacea for all your worries and doubts, but it will certainly help you let go of those irrational fears brought about by the shot of adrenaline that the fight-or-flight reflex gives you prior to the sorts of events we are discussing here.

When it comes to work most employers and/or customers look for people who have a ‘can do’ attitude. Try to view new tasks and hurdles as positive challenges to overcome. If you feel you have been asked to move a mountain don’t just sink into misery at the enormity of the task, just start moving stones.

If the task truly IS impossible then you will soon see, but at least you will be able to tell your employer or your customer (if you are self employed) that the task cannot be completed in the way they want from a standpoint of knowledge. You can discuss what went wrong and where, speaking from the high-ground of the first-hand experience you gained trying to achieve it.

From this point it is more likely that the task or service can be adapted to something more reasonable and achievable based around your own recommendations, rather than just passed onto someone else.

However, although it is important to be positive and enthusiastic, you most also be self-reflexive and able to say ‘no’ when appropriate. There is nothing wrong with saying no to people, even customers and employers, just so long as you know why you are saying no and can justify it reasonably if asked. Also, there is a difference between saying no and being combative. If you are in the right, if the task really cannot be done by you for various reasons or if the expectation upon you is simply unrealistic, you can refuse and explain why to most people without it turning into a confrontation.

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, especially as it will be your neck on the line if you DO agree to do something which you know you cannot, simply because you were too nervous to say ‘no’ and explain why from the outset.

If you are applying for a course or a new job that requires that you have an interview beforehand, or if you have a presentation or meeting coming up much of your confidence and ultimately your success in that circumstance will be dependent upon how prepared you are for it.

If two people of the same level and type of education and professional experience are applying for the same job and if both of these parties are generally confident people, the deciding factor may well come down to which of these people know most about the specific job they are applying for. Read up all you can about the company, business or course you are applying for, then if any opportunity comes up where you can demonstrate that knowledge – such as to explain why you think the job/course is right for you and vice-versa – take advantage of it!

Always play to your strengths and always try to deepen and diversify those strengths. In terms of just building your self-confidence, if you practise and expose yourself to the things that you already know you are good at you will likely enjoy doing so and experience a boost to your confidence with every little success or improvement. The confidence you get from doing the things you are good at will help to counter-balance any disappointments or little failures you may experience while applying for jobs, embarking on new manager training schemes or just trying out new things in general.

Indeed, always seek to improve on, or even eradicate, your weaknesses, while accepting that no-one can be perfect or successful at everything. The idea is to minimise the areas where you are lacking in confidence so that you feel at least competent or neutral in those areas. You don’t have to be the expert at everything and if you think you are you are in fact cultivating a far more dangerous weakness – arrogance and/or hubris.

Besides, no-one likes an outspoken know-it-all…!

Don’t allow yourself to wallow in past failures but DO reflect on them. In other words, learn you’re your mistakes – see where you went wrong and why and think of ways to avoid making those same mistakes again. But then move on.

Visualise yourself as being successful in a particular situation and you are much more likely to be. This might seem to be so airy-fairy as to be a joke, but numerous psychological studies have shown that people who imagine themselves being confident and successful in a particular situation and who run images through their mind’s eye about how relaxed they are going to be and how confidently they are going to speak during an interview (say) ARE more confident and successful and confident during that meeting. Try it for yourself. Seriously. Sometimes it can make all the difference

Imagination cannot give you qualifications, skills or experience you don’t have and so you may still be turned down for a particular job if you do not fulfil the requirements they are looking for. That said, if you have all the practical skills and qualifications your potential employer is looking for, a relaxed, warm and confident presentation will often tip the balance in your favour away from similarly qualified applicants.

Confidence tips the balance when it comes to generating the momentum to change your life. If you want to get additional training by starting a new course or whether you just want to shine in a job interview, confidence is key.

Over the next few articles we will look at different ways to improve confidence and performance during interviews, meetings and presentations of various sorts, whatever your goals and ambitions.

In many ways, being confident is what you DO even moiré than it is what you ARE. If you truly feel that you are lacking in confidence in a particular setting it can help to think of someone you know who IS confident in that setting and then emulate their body language, how they talk and walk.

This doesn’t mean you should mimic all of their peculiarities and copy their accent or whatever, but if you seek to emulate their confident speech patterns and general body language you will be behaving in a confident manner. Once people start to see you as confident they will react to you in a different way which will further enforce your confident behaviour. Try it and see for yourself.

Smile more and chat with new people more readily. This doesn’t mean you should go\ around with a constant grin on your face, dragging people into conversation even if they don’t want to be. It’s just that if you behave in a more friendly and engaging way people will generally react in a more positive way towards you, reaffirming your own self confidence.